Share Our Lives: How I Stay Connected with My Spouse

This month for Share Our lives we're talking about staying connected. I decided to focus on how my husband and I have stayed connected all these years. We began dating at 16 which means we've been together more than 30 years!  

From the time my boys were very young I was very aware of the fact that my marriage was meant to be my lifelong relationship and while I'd obviously have a relationship with my boys for their whole lives as well (I hoped!) I knew it was my job to raise them to leave. The whole point of parenthood is to send our kids out into the world so while I wanted a strong relationship with all 4 of my guys I never lost sight of the fact that for me, my most important relationship was that with my husband. 

 

Basically, it all boils down to I've never stopped dating my husband.  

 

a date night outfit

 

We made sure to schedule date nights as often as we could. Something that is so easy now that used to take weeks of planning (and hoping no one got sick). Now we often take off together on the spur of the moment. And it's a really nice bonus that we can afford to go to much nicer places now too (though that is not a requirement!). I fondly remember "date nights" at Target, the grocery store, or Home Depot running errands and getting food without kids! 

 

At least once a year (even while I was nursing!) we tried to get away if only for a weekend together. When money was tight and that wasn't really an option we tried to plan it so that our boys would have sleepovers with the grandparents at least once in a while so we had time to just be together us 2. Now we often take off for a week and boy is that heavenly!

 

In Acadia National park

We rarely walk by one another without a touch of some sort; a pat on the bum, a brushing of fingers, a little nudge of the shoulder. 

 

We hold hands all the time. When driving or sitting near one another one of us almost always has one hand on the other's knee. 

 

We flirt in person, through text-- our lighthearted banter and teasing is, quite frankly, adorable even if I do say so myself.  

 

And yet I'd also say that time apart every now and then is pretty important too! Early on in our marriage he had lots of work trips but we'd make sure to call each other and check in, usually around dinner or bedtime (sometimes both!). Occasionally he'd surprise me with a little souvenir or a suggestion for a way I could join him. 

 

The best was the time he was gone for 2 weeks to Florida and our boys were little-- the two oldest were in preschool together and it was rough getting everyone fed, dressed, off to their schedule on my own so he worked it out that I flew down to Florida just as his job ended and we spent 4 day in the Magic Kingdom together just us two. It felt like a second honeymoon! Kissing waiting in line for the rides, getting to ride the roller coasters together without having to navigate 3 kids through the park. It was bliss (and pre-blogging so no photos!). 

 

He hardly ever travels now but I've started taking short weekend trips with the girls or to visit my family and now I'm the one making calls home. I text him frequently too-- I saw some really cute coasters in Kentucky and I could not help but send him pictures of a few. His responses were hilarious and we use emojis a lot to convey our feelings when we can't be in person. Small absences here and there really do make the heart grow fonder.  He texted me back photos of our bed all made (he NEVER makes the bed! and things like that). Little things that no one else would really get but we sure do. 

  

We communicate constantly and I don't expect him to read my mind. I thank him when he pitches in around the house-- even if I asked. It's still nice to see he has the follow through. And he reciprocates the same. We both look for ways to surprise each other-- out of the blue he'll clean the bathrooms or wash my car. And I do the same. Cleaning the inside of his truck one day while he napped, baking up his favorite treat for no reason at all, things like that. Other times the surprises are much bigger-- like when he bought tickets for a show for my birthday and planned the whole weekend away. 

 

I try really really hard to not nag and also to not get caught up in tearing him down-- why does it seem like when couples get together at parties or things the women end up in one place and the guys in the other and they all either complain about their spouses or kids?! It wasn't something I really noticed until we joined the homeschooling community and ever since we've become aware of it we try so hard to refrain... even if it means not fitting in and joining in. I love my kids and husband much too much to complain about them publicly, especially since the things that tend to annoy me are so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 

 

I tell him at least weekly that I am so thankful for him and his hard work. He gives me compliments too often when I least expect them. I guess without even realizing it we tend to cycle through ALL the love languages!  It definitely helps keep us connected.  

We'll be continuing Share Our Lives in the new year; here's our latest graphics.Sarah from Toronto SAM is bowing out but the 4 others will keep it going. 

 

I hope you'll join us for how you stay warm in the winter (if you live in the southern hemisphere you can either tackle how you stay warm in winter or flip it to how you stay cool in summer!).  

 

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